wherein i receive my first pat-down ever.

so my id expired a couple months ago. seven months ago to be exact. and i haven't gotten around to getting a new one. for several reasons. but mostly because i don't really want a new york id yet. i am holding on to this little piece of my maryland identity for as long as possible.

i was a little worried about flying with an expired id. but really, who checks those things anyway? i mean, all they look at is the name, right? yes?

wrong.

so i get attitude from the check-in lady about it. i give her my sweetest southern look possible, apologize profusely and claim that i had no idea my id was expired. i then hand over every other id in my wallet (including a library card) and she goes to ask someone else what to do. she finally comes back, gives me a stern look, and tells me to renew my id. and then hands over my boarding pass. 

so long sucka. 

i get in the security line and they pull me aside for a secondary search.

no big deal. i feel really bad for airport security workers. i imagine its a terrible job. everyone hates them. i am sure they get yelled at a lot by tired, stressed-out travelers.

so i smile a lot. apologize profusely. i think about making some kind of joke to lighten the mood, but ultimately decide that this is not one of those situations where some tinkler humor would be appreciated. 

i end up standing off to the side, watching them search my shoes and purse for drugs and bombs (i guess. i never really understood how that little cotton swab thing works. but whatever). and wait while the guy next to me keeps calling out, "female search. we need a female search." for like 7 minutes. everyone looks at me. i am slightly embarrassed. but i just smile back. 

finally, a female security person comes to search me. i get patted down. and start to giggle uncontrollably. because it tickles. and i'm pretty sure that if i were going to try to sneak something onto a plane, i wouldn't be dumb enough to stick it up my shirt sleeves. 

they finally conclude that i pose no threat and i am allowed to move on.

getting patted down means i'm a badass now, right? i think so.